Game Theory

Title: Red Code 3

Graphics: Both how the game looks and if the game maintains stability and a good frame rate.

No color variety-though it is meant to be that way, and it works. Just black and green here. The explosions were progressively more intense. (8.5)

Sound: Sound track and sound effects. Is it entertaining to listen to?

Semi-dramatic background music, Star Wars laser effects. Their could be more music though, because the game is a bit too eerie. (7)

Controls: Is the game easy to play? Can anyone play without frustration?

The controls get very complicated. Is that good? Maybe. It’s annoying if you’re not a gamer, (but then why would you read my review?) (9)

Enjoyment: How much fun do you have, do you want to throw the game, or hug it?

This chocolate bar is slightly outdated, but you eat it anyway, cause hey, it’s still chocolate right? Good, but could be better. (9)

Playability: How much of your time will this game accumulate? Casual vs. Hardcore

The game offers plenty of levels, bosses, character progression, and fun to keep you going for awhile…like the energizer bunny. The only downside is the controls get a little complicated (9.5)

Genre: Flash game, action, shooter

Platform: PC

 

Score (out of 10): 9

 

Synopsis: Very peculiar. It is very much like Halo, (except it’s cool). For a flash game, this is very impressive. Bosses, upgrades, it’s like playing a console video game. The graphics are very unique, as they breathe life into every frame, but they’re all black and green.

 

Quotes: Ollie- “It kinda reminded me of a dark version of Megaman. It started out pretty easy, but then got complicated really fast. Probably my favorite game so far that you guys have reviewed. I liked the graphics. Yeah, it was kind of like Megaman, except for dark and gothic and sinister and you fight alien insects. Your’e not a cyborg dressed in blue, you’re a gothic terrorist. Actually, you know what? It’s nothing like Megaman.”

 

Opinion: You may catch me playing this game a lot. It definitely has a lot to offer. It is different than most other flash games. It has a very dark escense to it. Very fun if you’re having a bad day, because killing games are good for that; but also, it is just generally cool. The upgrades make this game a keeper. Once you obtain the blade, the upgrades get more in depth and will have you thinking “if I upgrade this, then I get this ability, but I also really want this one. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to kill everything and get enough energy to upgrade both!”

 

Jerk or Not Jerk: Teacher Edition

Hello Again! Welcome to another exciting edition of Jerk or Not! This week will be the first week of a special edition Jerk or Not, but first, let’s talk about last week. It hurts me to say so, but it looks like we have our first jerk! That’s right! Andrew Carnegie is a big jerk! It will be tradition that all of our jerks will receive a $50 gift certificate. Here you go Carnegie. Go buy a life! I think despite his philanthropy in the later years, the possible murders may be what pushed him over to Jerkland.

Now, this week is special because I will be introducing a special edition Jerk or Not Teacher’s Edition! Yeah. Now all Ontop students can finally poke fun at that teacher that has given them a hard time. I suppose we could also call this the revenge edition. The way this will work out will be in brackets, like a tournament. Ultimately, one teacher will be a non-jerk. No teacher is safe from the press!

So for the first edition, Dawn and Allison will be pitted against each other. I had the opportunity to interview the both of them, and it got a little interesting because they were both in the same room. Maybe I did that on purpose? Oh well.

Dawn- After an excellent couple of questions picked from yours truly, things just kept going on themselves. Dawn honestly thinks she is a good person. She claims to be patient, not easily angered, and she cares about eyes, (whatever that means). She likes to look at things from a distance, for the bigger picture. Despite this, some other staff have other opinions of her. Our very own Ollie Kranichfeld claims her to be a “difficult baby”. Uh oh. Dawn retaliates with responses about her high school and college experiences. “I always had honor roll. In college, I got Cum laudi”, which I eventually found out means high honors in Latin. Shes a trickster that Dawn. She even says she would never ever giver up a day of her own time to teach more often. She has a dog, 3 cats, 2 ferrets, and she says herself that she “forces them to do my bidding”. Dawn Vining stole a piece of candy when she was 5 years old. And It gets worse! Oh yes it gets worse. She says she hates Twilight (an obvious positive), though she vampirized her daughter. I don’t know how I feel about that one. To wrap things up, Dawn says all of this with an evil grin even! As if accomplishing some malicious act. During this time, she even assaults Allison. She calls her an “inbred redneck” during the interview!

Allison- “ I swear I’m not inbred!” Allison is clearly amazed by the verbal attacks by Dawn, although chooses to retaliate. Do two wrongs really make a right? “Dawn is a thief”, says Allison. “I don’t appreciate her eviscerating slamming” By this point Allison is almost weeping. Are they false tears to up the competition? Who knows. Allison is also known to sip on the Twilight Haterade from time to time. And, to top it all off, Allison pretending to be in a hurry, tries to wrap it up by saying she is perfectly fine with Dawn. Then, on the way out, our very own Edgar Murray bumps into Allison. Allison does not even greet him, but rather her greeting is to persuade Ed to make multiple hand turkeys. (Possibly for all of that black magic). Let us hear a testimony from Paul Adams. I asked him what he thought about Allison being a jerk and his response was “Duuuuuhh, she’s from the SOUTH.”

Well that is it for these two. The voting will be a little different this week, as it is a knockout style. It is up to you to vote who is more of a jerk. HAHAHAHAHA. Peace.

Gangsta J and J. Gaud’s Game Theory

Title: Gravinaytor

 

Graphics: Both how the game looks and if the game maintains stability and a good frame rate.

I liiiiike the pretty colors. Typical flash game graphics; a little pixely. This may be what draws the game back from a higher score.There could be more variety of levels and colors. Although, what is represented does create the image the game is shooting for.(7)

 

Sound: Sound track and sound effects. Is it entertaining to listen to?

This game has the greatest sound ever! It will soothe your ear holes. Psychedelic alien techno-funk music entertains you the whole time. Meanwhile, a somewhat sadistic sounding little girl grants hysterical commentary. (10)

Controls: Is the game easy to play? Can anyone play it without frustration?

Both simple and yet sophisticated at times. The controls are only the arrow keys. In the later levels, it gets very confusing using the arrow keys when you are upside down or on the side of a wall. (9)

Enjoyment: How much fun do you have, do you want to throw the game, or hug it?

Very enjoyable. More fun with others, as you will probably find yourself laughing a lot. The difficulty offered is also very breathtaking at times, although very inconsistent. The difficulty does not gradually increase, but rather goes from impossible to easy, and back again.(8)

Playability: How much of your time will this game accumulate? Casual vs. Hardcore

Medium-High- we stumbled upon one glitch, and one only. Other than that it is pretty much flawless. Very fun. May eat up lots of time. Offers both fun for the casual gamer, as well as difficulty for the hardcore gamer. (8)

Genre:

Flash game/strategy/puzzle

Platform:

PC, iPad

 

Score (out of 10): 8.5

 

Synopsis: A great spin on flash games. Offers a game where gravity is the new strategy. Very unique. It actually requires you to think while playing. The sound is preference really. For us, it couldn’t be better, but without a bias, I will admit it as an aquired taste. The graphics ae pixelated at times, and a glitch every once in a while may agitate someone really hooked.

 

Quotes:

 

Game Theory: You guys were actually able to play the game this time. Tell us- what were your initial thoughts?

 

Ollie: I was struck by the realistic nature of the game itself. Often times, when I myself am stuck in gravitational tractor beams, I have had to apply the same method of gameplay. But, I have to say, level 18 was my peak of gravitational frustration. In a game like Gravinaytor, you truly have your ups, your downs, even your sideways at times; which of course is sometimes separated by large spikes. Once again, when I was a child, I had always wanted to fly. My biggest enemy of course, was gravity. Gravity kept me from terminating in the sky. Damn gravity.

 

Paul Adams: It’s a unique little puzzle game. I like the retro graphics and the interesting gravity zone twists. I find the (girl’s) voice very distracting, but it did not take away from the fun and strategy of the game. I didn’t have enough time to devote to the game, but I could imagine that it could get frustrating after a long play session. For example, when I reached level 18 I gave it a try 3 times and eventually gave up due to time restraints. I can also imagine if I played it a good ten times, I may end up punching my monitor.

 

Opinion:

What can we say? We love gravity, and love the terminaytor. This game was initially imense fun. It offers a challenge to hardcore gamers, while maintaining the fun that the noobs love. The girls voice that is the narrator we found to be incredibly entertaining, but as you can see from a few quotes, it may be a unique preference. I love games that make you think. This game does just that, in a new way, which may also require you to think.

Bear Cub Grylls vs. Wild: Waking Up

I’m Bearcub Grylls, I Throw myself into harm’s way to teach you how to survive everyday dangers. From the bedroom to the office, I take on every challenge and teach you how to survive. This time, I’ll be taking on one of the most dangerous occurences, waking up.

One of the most dangerous things in everyday life is getting out of bed. Many people every year wake up on the floor with sore limbs, aches and pains. Even those who do get up then have to watch themselves. When your mind isn’t clear in early-morning, you can make bad choices that endanger you. I’m going to do everything I can to teach you how to survive this potentially fatal everyday occurrence.

Make sure that you have supports built on both sides of your bed that can hold your weight. This can save you from falling over the narrow crevasse. Even if you protect yourself from falling off, you then have to deal with dehydration and starvation. After a long rest the body needs to refuel. I recommend you drink your own urine, as it is free of bacteria the first pass, however if you can’t stomache this then you have to find water, but it’s a long trip, and the stairs are slippy. Be careful not to trip, removing your socks can increase traction on the stairs and help you stay upright. Just remember, keep a low center of gravity and make it down slowly.

You’ve made it downstairs, now to the sink for fresh water, the furniture littered in the living room makes for tough terrain, but persevere and you can make it through. Once you get to the sink, there’s no need to worry. The water here is always fresh and free of parasites. But you need food to go with that water. You can usually find food in the cupboards, but if not, the fresh grass outside your house is edible, and is full of vitamins. You don’t want to spend your morning freezing either, so get dressed, being careful not to get stuck in your clothes. If this happens, it will impair your movement and eyesight and drastically decrease your chances of survival. You might also need a fire. Any dried up grass will do for tinder, and the cupboard doors make for good firewood when broken up. Your best bet is to create a friction fire. If you have any gasoline or matches this will be easier. If you have fire, food, and water, then you stand a good chance of surviving the morning. If you go outside for grass, make sure the door isn’t locked behind you. Cutting off your only route to shelter can be deadly.

Following these steps, and with the right mindset, you can make it through the worst of mornings. Next week, I’ll be risking my life in a dangerous act, taking a shower. Stay tuned.

Music Reviews with Erik: Daddy’s Lambo by Yelawolf

Yelawolf reached out to the more high class listeners in this song about meeting a rich girl and stealing her fathers lamborghini. The flow has fast and slow parts and the beat was made by Drama Beats (Rob Dyrdek’s cousin). The rapper Yelawolf stepped away from recording depressing or, some may think, scary songs to make a lighter subject song about having a nice time and ending with a brand new car. The song has no swearing but it is still very tasteful.

Some may think because Yelawolf is one of Shady Records rappers that he has an Eminem feel to him but that is far from correct. Although there are some similarities, there are more differences. Eminem is from the streets of Detroit and Yelawolf is from the back woods of Alabama and he is not afraid to share that. Yelawolf has a tattoo on the right side of his neck to show he is a true “redneck”. While Yelawolf is not afraid to show he is from the deep woods of Alabama he also loves to party and that’s what he likes to rap about.

Some of the lyrics of his songs are not appropriate for younger children. In the song he raps “I need a rich girl like a headache but i’ll take it if I can drive your daddy’s toy” which just shows he knows how to take his music serious while making it seem like one big party. Over all I feel the song had a good feel to it and I would give it a 7 out of 10.

 

Jerk or Not a Jerk?

This week on Jerk or not, I will educate you with the story of Andrew Carnegie, but first, let’s review the last issue! It was voted by the readers that Che Guevara was NOT a jerk!

Now: Andrew Carnegie’s turn. Here are the facts

• The first Billionaire to exist
• Well known for introducing vertical monopoly, an ingenious and now illegal form of integration which involves buying out competing companies so you may profit easier.
• Owned the Carnegie Steel Company, now relinquished.
• May or may not have been involved in the order to send union-busters to the site of a strike in Homestead, PA that resulted in 11 deaths.
• Actively donated hundreds of millions of dollars to benefit education, culture, and scientific institutions
• Sold Carnegie Steel for 480 million dollars to Charles R. Schwab- the largest business transaction ever in its time.
• Died of Bronchial Pneumonia in 1919, at age 83.

Still can’t decide? Read more @ http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/USAcarnegie.htm Cast your vote!

J Gaud. And Gangsta J’s Game Theory!

Title: Bloons Tower Defense 3

Graphics: Both how the game looks and if the game maintains stability and a good frame rate.

Compared to other flash games, the graphics are better than usual. The colorful maps breathe life into the world and the clearly depicted monkeys are good for a laugh.

Sound: Sound track and sound effects. Is it entertaining to listen to?

Most people do not enjoy the sound of balloons popping over and over and over… and over. Have an Ipod or something to entertain you. Seriously, the only sound is just popping balloons and the occasional explosive.

Controls: Is the game easy to play? Can anyone play it without frustration?

Easiest controls ever. Click and drag fun. The complications are in the strategy.

Enjoyment: How much fun do you have, do you want to throw the game, or hug it?

This game will want to hug you! Seriously addictive. Each level is more complex than the previous when wave after wave of balloons eventually overwhelm you.

Playability: How much of your time will this game accumulate? Casual vs. Hardcore

Very High-This game is good for casual and hardcore gamers as it offers a surplus of creativity and challenge when asked.

Genre: Tower Defense

Platform: PC, hand-held

Score (out of 10): 8

Synopsis: Here are the facts- the game is free, and flawed as it is a flash game. We have spent many hours on it. The game offers a spicy new twist on tower defense games. How many games in general have you played that involve monkeys shooting darts and plasma at balloons? In a gaming generation ruled by First Person Shooters, this game doesn’t get much attention.

Here are the weapons:

 

Dart Monkeys- The standard single shot low cost tower. Weak, but affordable.

 

Tack Shooters- Multi-shot with a cheap cost, possibly the best bang for buck.

 

Boomerangs- Medium cost, similar to a dart monkey but it shoots in an arc. Pricey, but effective.

Spike-O-Pult- Slow Shooting powerhouse. With the sheer number of balloons this may be less useful.

 

Cannons- A necessity, especially for lead balloons, also good for clearing large groups.

 

Ice Ball- freezes balloons. This tower is good but it has a very short range. All or none to be effective.

 

Monkey Beacon: Grants access to the greatest ability in the game, increases the range of other towers.

 

Super Monkey: A monkey in a Superman outfit shooting plasma. What more could be said?

 

Road spikes: The 1 weapon everyone should use. It’s one of the cheapest too; blocking balloons that get past your initial defenses.

 

Monkey Glue: Slightly more expensive than spikes, slows down up to 20 balloons;. Very effective toward the endgame.

 

Pineapples: “like all healthy fruits, pineapples explode violently shortly after being placed.”

 

There is one more secret one, but I wont ruin the surprise!

 

Ask the Experts: Here are the opinions of the infamous Oliver Kranichfeld and the juvenile critic Erik Lavery we have all been waiting for:

 

Game theory: What do you think of the game? Have you played it yourself? What excitements overwhelm you about it?

 

Ollie: You know, some people think it’s overkill to attack balloons with rocket propelled grenades… I actually have a phobia of balloons popping. The noise is very triggering. When I was 5, my parents tied 10,000 helium balloons to my bed and they carried me away. Since then I have been carrying this lifelong vendetta against balloons.

 

Erik:It’s a selective personality and appearance for sure. I think it’s alright. I don’t have a solid appreciation for monkeys dressed as Superman. I guess I’m just not a hardcore nerd. I guffaw at the game.

 

Opinion: The sound sucks. That draws it back from higher scores. The later levels, slow down way too much on the PC. That being admitted, the game is sooo fun! I love the feeling of accomplishment I attain with my first Super Monkey. I very much enjoy discovering new strategies that all eventually come down to how to achieve Super Monkey-dom faster, to survive longer, and make it to the further levels. Recommended to “nerdz” everywhere.

Music Reviews with Erik

Bad Meets Evil is back!

For those who don’t know, Bad Meets Evil is a rap duo formed by rapper Eminem and Royce Da 5’9”. Eminem is one of the most well known rappers on the planet. He is known for his critical views on the world around him. Bad Meets Evil has not been around for several years due to complications with one of the member’s lives. The new hit single “Fast Lane” was an excellent recreation of the old Eminem. The song brought Eminem back to his roots to where he could just feel enjoyment making a song and keep the seriousness to a minimum. The quote “My blood types the 80′s, my 90′s was like the navy and you was like Brady’s, you still fly kites daily” shows that Eminem and Royce Da 5’9” still know how to have fun making music. The song does contain some obscene topics but other then that the song was very well done.

Rating: 7/10

Dear D.P.A.,

Dear DPA, 

I recently did something I feel bad about. Should I lie to my parents about it?

What should you do? Well, if I were you I would think of all the possible consequences both positive and negative. If I do this what will happen? Will I care about getting into trouble and is it really worth lying about? Another thing to think about is when you are lying can your parents tell? If so, then I would just tell the truth. It can be harder but easier too.

Sincerely,

DPA

AnswerGarden: What topics would you like to see covered in The Ontop Standard?

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